S-E-X: Part II

I lost the bet.

But wait, there are extenuating circumstances.

He got me at naptime, he said just the right words, you know how it goes. Something along the lines of, “Baby, you can sleep in for the next four days.” That one gets me every.damn.time.

After he whispered those sweet words in my ear, I said, “But honey, a good chunk of my readers think I can do it. They think I can last for the entire two weeks.”

He said, “They’ll never know.” But I would know and I just can’t lie. No good at it. Don’t like it.

So there it is. I lost. But a lot of good points were raised in the comments yesterday about S-E-X and I want to talk about it and you know, it is my blog and thus my prerogative to do so. I must say, I never dreamed, never imagined, I would be talking about what I am getting ready to talk about. Ever. Deep breath and go…

I am a very lucky woman. I have a husband who loves me and finds me sexually attractive. He loves me skinny, he loves me chunky. He loves me with makeup on, he loves me without makeup on. He loves me with my hair fixed up nice, he loves me when it’s in a bun on the top of my head. Okay, not really, he hates the bun, which is too bad, really, because in the Arizona summer sun, the bun is it. He loves me when I get all done up, he loves me in my black yoga pants.  He doesn’t mind if my legs get a little hairy. He doesn’t mind if I have a little stank on my breath in the morning. I know I have an awesome man, but it still doesn’t change the fact that sometimes, I just don’t feel like it.

My husband knows this about me and he still loves me. He also knows that if he doesn’t push, then he will get lucky at least once a week, usually twice a week. I’m not gonna lie, often times I have to get talked into it.

I am very attracted to my husband. I love his eyes, his beard, yes, beard, I never thought a bearded man was hot, until I set my gaze upon my hubs. I love his build, his hands, his mouth. Get your heads out of the gutter people. He has the perfect little mouth, that. is. all. Despite all of these things, it still takes some cajoling and maybe even, some negotiation. Once we get a’goin’, all of my silly, “I just don’t feel like it” thoughts go out the window. Because the hubs does some nice work. But beforehand, more often than not, I just don’t feel like it.

Why don’t I feel like it? Generally, I am tired, just flat out, bone dry tired. I know, I know, that’s the lamest effing excuse in the book. But it is the honest to God’s truth. The second biggest reason:  my mind is always running a million miles a minute. I have a hard time shutting off the brain and to be truthful, sometimes, I just don’t want to flip the switch. I need to keep it going. Once I let my mind sleep, then it tells my body to sleep and then I am miserable and bitchy because I am awake. Not fun. Also, I am a creature of habit and routine. Routine gives me a sense of control in my out-of-control world. Quickies during naptime are not the norm. I usually despise them. I am dressed for the day and I don’t feel like getting all messy. Morning sex, is okay, but let’s face it, until the childrens are out of the house, there will be no wake me up hanky panky. So nighttime it is, but then, you know because it’s nighttime, and I am exhausted. The hubs can’t win, which is why it typically takes a little convincing.

Is something wrong with me? Apparently, some people think that the answer to that question is yes. Conversely, other people think I am perfectly normal.  I thought I was perfectly normal but yesterday’s comments certainly gave me different viewpoints to consider.

I recently came back to the Catholic Church after a 15 year absence. Until the last year, I had never even considered the idea that sex is a gift from God. And to be honest, it’s still difficult for me to equate the two. It is something that will require a great deal of prayer and reflection. I know that sex is a the best physical opportunity I have to show my husband, my life partner, how I feel about him. I know this, but sometimes I forget. I know this, but after having a completely different mentality during the entire existence of my sexual life, it’s difficult to remember.

Sex has never been a necessity for me. I’ve never craved the release that sex provides. Sure, I enjoy it. Orgasms are great, don’t get me wrong, but I don’t crave them.  I never have. I crave the intimacy that comes with the actual sex act. I crave the cuddling, the sweet words of love, but never the sex act. My husband knows this about me, he accepts this. He knows that once we get going, then I am totally fineReally fine.

I have no regrets about what I wrote yesterday. I had absolutely no qualms about my words after I hit publish. None. My husband was fine with what I wrote and really, in this situation, he is the only one who matters, well besides God. God gets me, he gets my sense of humor. I recited the conversation to you exactly as it happened, essentially word for word, and the humor was very much present during this exchange. I shared the story because I thought there were other women who could relate and would find the situation humorous.

And in regards to the little wager, yesterday. Make no mistake, friends, I totally could have won the bet. But one thing I’ve realized in my almost 5 years of marital bliss, is that my life is so much easier and happier if the hubs gets lucky on a regular basis, even if I don’t feel like it. Plus, I kinda love the guy and contrary to what he may or may not believe, actually do want to make him happy.

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About Andrea

Andrea is a 35 year old mother to 5 year old twin boys, a wife, a devout Catholic, a web designer, entrepreneur and speaker. You can view all of her projects at andreaboring.com.


  1. says

    Oh, I can SOOOO relate to the mind a million miles an hour thing. Happens to me a lot too. As to no morning sex until the kids leave the house, I have three words for you: Saturday morning cartoons. When they get a little older you might be able to buy an hour or two to yourselves…ask me how I know. ;-) Also, one last thing, about not craving sex: how much of your sexual life has co-existed with hormonal birth control? Lemme tell ya, the short time I was on it, it absolutely murdered my sex drive. The years I have spent in my hormonally natural state have been vastly different. Sex drives are different from person to person, but something to consider. I’m glad you lost the bet. ;-)
    Jennifer recently posted..Let’s talk about sex, baby.My Profile

  2. Sarah M. says

    LOVE this post.Very well written. I do believe most of us women have to be talked into sex, or talk ourselves into it, if we are not already in the mood. It is very hard to change modes. There is a great book that illustrates this point. something about women’s brains are like spaghetti.
    I think you both won ~especially if you actually do get to sleep in! ;)

  3. Andrea Nelson says

    I’m glad you lost the bet. :) The intimacy that sex provides is so essential in our marriage relationship! I can totally relate to not being able to turn your brain off. The lady above I think was referring to women are like spaghetti and men are like waffles. So true! They compartimentalize (sp?) and everything flows together for us. Sometimes I wish I could be a waffle! I think that EVERY woman can relate to not having the sex drive we used to have. Especially those with young children. My boys are 7, 6, 3, & 14 months. Add in post-partum, lots of different meds = poor sex drive. I recently purchased this – http://shop.familylife.com/p-1710-simply-romantic-nights-igniting-passion-in-your-marriage-volume-1.aspx (I bought vol 1 & 2). It comes with these cards that tell you exactly what to do. There are some for the wife & some for the husband. It tells you how to “set the stage,” “Build anticipation,” & “the main event.” The first one I pulled out was STRIP SCRABBLE! :) I totally believe sex is a gift from God for us to enjoy. Read the Song of Solomon! Who knew the Bible can be steamy! :)

  4. says

    Love this–and love that you lost, yet COULD HAVE won! I am the same way–it is all about the words and tone with me. My poor husband could say one word in the wrong tone and it could turn the most intimate situation into opposite corners for the night! In your case, he had me at ‘Sleeping in…”
    justanothertiredmommy recently posted..Six Degrees of MeMy Profile

  5. says

    This is a great post! I’m popping in from the A-Z challenge and spent some time looking at new and older posts here. I’m happy for your return to the church. I was gone for a few years too…but have returned and it feels like home. I’m so encourage to find other believers in the blogging world! You have a new follower. Good writing!
    mare ball recently posted..Y is for Yanni…and yacht…and YuenglingMy Profile

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