Motherhood, what have you done to me? I wrote this post a little while ago about the things I just never thought I would do as a parent. There is one more little nugget of information that I thought about just the other day as I was peeing in the bathroom at the Chick-Fil-A with the door open watching my children systematically drench themselves under the guise of “washing their hands.” I think my turkeys will probably suck the world’s water supply dry before their 5th birthday, but that’s all whole ‘nother blog post.
No, while I was sitting (yes, I was sitting, no worries, I wiped the seat) there doing my bid-ness, the ladies’ room door swings open to a gaggle of young ladies who were probably 14-15 years old. They were whispering and giggling while talking about a boy, one who apparently worked at the Chick-Fil-A. One or maybe all of the ladies had a massive crush on this lucky young man as was evidenced by the following exchange of whispering and giggling.
“He is so cute. (giggle, giggle) I think he likes you. (giggle, giggle) No, I’m sure he likes you. (giggle, giggle).”
Seriously, there was an obscene amount of giggling going on. I thought I was going to gag, when the giggling stopped abruptly. The girls had reached my stall, you know, the one with the open door. They stood there and gaped at me in horror. Not one of them said a word as I finished, and tried to discreetly pull my pants up. I smiled sweetly at them, walked by, tossed my hair back and said, “Just wait. One day you will have children and this won’t seem so weird.” I then attempted to wrangle the turkeys, wipe up their mess and leave the ladies room with as much dignity as I could muster, which wasn’t much seeing as though the young ladies had caught me literally with my pants down.
As the turkeys scarfed down their chicken nuggets as fast as they possibly could to join their future best friends in the germ infested play place, I couldn’t help but shake my head at the situation in the ladies’ room. I couldn’t help shaking my head at the fact that I felt not even one single twinge of embarrassment at being observed half naked in a public place. Not even a little.
What on God’s green earth has happened to me? Where has my dignity gone? Is pride and self respect a long lost thing of the past?
Well, for most mothers, the dignity, the pride, and the modesty flew out the door probably around week 35-ish, when you were getting poked and prodded at least every week by your OB. And forget having any dignity or modestly left when you are trying to push a 7 lb + kid out of a teeny tiny space with about 5 people down there gazing intently at your hoo-ha. I am totally guessing here as I didn’t quite make it that far. Mine disappeared the second they wheeled me into labor and delivery while simultaneously shaving my nether regions in preparation for the emergency c-section. That was almost as mortifying as it gets, especially since that area had been, shall we say, neglected for quite some time.
Okay, maybe that wasn’t the most mortifying thing that happened, maybe it was postpartum when after being bedridden for 4 days, not having showered in probably 6, I required the assistance of a nurse to clean myself, naked, in the shower. Oh, I should mentioned that the nurse was a young, gorgeous 24 year old gal with nary an ounce of fat anywhere on her body. Yes, any modicum of dignity that might have remained was certainly gone after that experience. Nothing quite getting your jiggly body washed by a younger version of yourself, let me tell you.
Something happens during our journey of motherhood. Something that will allow us to have a full blown discussion with a complete stranger at Chick Fil A, who happens to be a mother as well, about episiotomies, pushing, c-section recovery, nursing, bowel movements, including size, shape and color and all other sorts of topics that prior to pregnancy we never would have dreamed about discussing with our best friend, much less a stranger.
Something happens to us that will allow us to help our son pee in the park, while the other son, one with some seriously bad aim, accidentally sprays our hair and we just laugh, because really, what else can you do?
Something happens to you that enables you to laugh upon realizing, at the end of the 3 hour Easter Vigil Mass that your dress was only zipped halfway (as in not even covering the bra strap) because you couldn’t get it all the way up yourself and you forgot to ask your husband to finish the job as you were running out the door, late as usual.
Something happens to us that will allow us to pee in a public bathroom, with the door open and not give a tiny rat’s patootie that a gaggle of teenagers probably just saw all of your bid-ness.
That something is one of the beauties of motherhood and I don’t know about you, but I wear my lack of dignity as a badge of honor.
lol! Funny post. I am the mom of 4 boys and love every minute of it (except on Easter Sunday when I realized that I will never get to pick out a darling Easter dress for a daughter… it was only a minute of sadness though when I realized how easy it was to get my boys dressed that morning. I didn’t even have to comb any heads of hair). Anyway, I also joke to my husband that a marching band could walk through the room while I’m delivering. I have no modestly left! My 3rd boy was telling a man at the grocery store the other day that our baby drinks “boob milk”. The man was way more embarrased than I was. I just roll my eyes. They are so fun.
Thanks Heather! I too get a little melancholy when I see those ridiculously cute Easter dresses, but just for a sec. Boob milk, that is funny
LOL
so FUNNY!!!
I’ve had a few moments like that!! Nice to know I’m not alone =)
That’s the only way we all can survive…just to know we are not alone
Us moms have to stick together. Thanks for the <3. xoxo
I realized all modesty and a large measure of dignity had left me when I was in a public restroom, changing my tampon with a little one watching intently, and then loudly asking why I was bleeding from there.
Hahahahaha! That is hilarious!
Too funny, but I don’t know if I’d call it losing your dignity or gaining a sort of confidence ( or maybe lack of caring) that only a mother could know
Stopping by from voiceboks,
Mommy J
http://Mommiesbeingmommies.blogspot.com
I think it is definitely both. Thanks for stopping by, I shall return the favor
Just found your blog on Kelly’s Korner. It is so fun having boys. I have two of them…but they aren’t twins. : )
-ashley
This is too funny, the wonders of motherhood right? that things that motherhood makes us do that we would not do before.
I have been there with all those embarassing situations, and yes as a mother dignity just disappears! I remeber my 2nd birth kneeling on the floor with my bum in the air, the thought now horrifies me but at the time like you said I didn’t give a rats patootie about it! Strange what motherhood does to you!
Whatever makes you comfortable during birth is all that matters in my book. xoxo
Oh GIIRRLL!! I’m gonna LOVE your blog!! Raising two autistic boys – one of who is so severe that at 11 he is just now not sharing the stall with me when we have to go in a public place – I just nodded and laughed and thought yes ma’am through your WHOLE post.
You my friend are getting Bookmarked!
See you soon & often
*~ MAJK ~*
Twitter @Safireblade
A to Z Blog Challenge
I love that you said, “Giirrrrll!” I do that all the time
Thank you so much for the love. The best thing for me is knowing that my readers can relate.
xoxo
Andrea
I’m laughing so hard that mascara is streaming down my face. I’m only five months into this crazy world of motherhood, but I’m right there with you, c-section and all. My postpartum nurse was the little sister of an old friend who I had not seen a decade plus. So during the whole remove the catheter and shower thing, I could only see this nurse as a freshmen in high school instead of the very good nurse that she was. And now, wow, the places I have found to nurse in public.
I dropped by from the A to Z Challenge. This may be the best post I’ve read to date. Love your blog.
How horrifying! I cannot even imagine someone I know, yet don’t know taking out the catheter! I’m glad I made you laugh. Warm fuzzies for sure.
xoxo
Andrea
Hahahahahha! Yep, being a mother sure changes things!
Thanks darling! <3 you.
Andrea… LOVE you post… I too lost my dignity many many MANY moons ago..LOL! But you know what… I wouldn’t trade it for the world! Blessings!! from vB adn the A to z!!
PS… I’m still laughing!
Your birth experience sounds very similar to mine. I went into labor at 32 weeks with my twin boys and was in the ICU for a week. By the end I hadn’t showered for a week either. I think that each nurse who came in to help with my catheter, etc, got progressively hotter. Now I go grocery shopping with food stuck and dried to my neck and shirt and face and legs…
Hot nurses should not be allowed on the OB floor
It’s been so long since I had any modesty, I don’t even remember ever having it lol. But, like you and others, I wouldn’t trade it for anything
I’m sure you made their day in the bathroom! Motherhood is definitely on its own as a lifetime experience. Why not just treasure every part of it!;)
Every part of it? Girl you are crazy
xoxo
You are too funny! I LOVE connecting with other mamas to twins! I too am just trying to survive this rollercoaster ride and find myself consuming WAY too much coffee, as well!
Glad Kelly “linked us up!”
I am dying! I just found your blog from Kelly’s Korner and love it! You are too funny and I relate to this craziness we call motherhood! I have 3 boys and haven’t sat down since probably last Thursday
I’m def a new follower!
It sure is amazing what motherhood will do to you…and the things you SWORE you would never do or say. It’s kind of like God’s joke on us. Thanks for stopping by my blog from the Utlimate Blog Party—can’t wait to read more about your adventures!
Definitely God’s little joke
Thanks for returning the love 
Found you on UBP and already looking forward to your next post!
I am a mom to 2 boys and a 3rd (team green) baby on the way! Can’t wait to get to know more about you and your family, and read your blog! Stop by and say hi if you have chance! 
Thanks for the sweet comment
Stopping by via the UBP. Signed up to your RSS feed and following you on Twitter. Looking forward to your posts and tweets!
Stopping by from the party! And thanks for stopping over at mine! I’m excited to start reading more!
This is possibly one of the best posts I have read! It is awesome and so completely true! I now have to follow your blog and read more of this
Oh I found you from the Mom Blog Monday hop.
Wow! Thank you so much! That is a serious compliment
I’ll swinging on over to you bloggy blog shortly 
I think there’s something dignifying about not having any dignity. It’s liberating to not give a rat’s ass about peeing with the door open in public or wearing shoes that don’t match or carrying a screaming 5 year old out of Target because you won’t buy her that 87th Barbie she doesn’t need. It takes a strong woman not to care.
You know what you are totally correct, it is very liberating! I’ve never thought of it like that. Awesome insight sister
You are hilarious! As a fellow mom of twins, I’m right there with ya!!! Once I was standing in line at Walmart, looked down and realized I had watermelon juice dripping down my leg which one of my twins had wiped all over me. Yep, I’ve given up dignity just for the chance to survive some days. Thank you for the laugh! Found you from the UBP- will be following